Being Nice To Others

One of my favorite things about being a woman has to be the bonds I share with the women I call my friends, sisters, mentors and sometimes even strangers, that I meet by chance. I am grateful to be surrounded by women who support and encourage me, let me be myself and give me strong doses of tough love, when necessary. These are people who genuinely invest time and energy (sometimes money) into me and they do so with an open heart. Women are generally nurturers and I feel that strongly about the ones in my life. All of this may seem small but there was a point in time where I was not so sure about genuine friendships amongst women and was being bombarded with the notion that they may actually be impossible.

When I was in primary school, the requirements for friendship were so basic that everyone was my friend. It started like this, if you were a girl in the same class, we were friends. Just based on that alone, it was us against the boys. A little later it became, if you gave me some sweets or you shared your toys with me, the friendship was sealed. Somewhere towards the beginning of high school, things changed. Cliques were forming – some had older siblings who taught them the “how to be cool” thing, some were growing boobs and gorgeous hair, others had the CDs or clothes we all wanted and others had all the boys in the class falling at their feet. We were growing up and growing into our personalities and ourselves, which changed the friendship dynamics.

That is around the time society started trying to sell us the idea that girls just do not like each other. As I grew older, this message was reiterated in different forms: women are jealous of each other, we don’t support each other, we are catty and mean, we are full of drama and we are constantly in competition for one thing (men) or another. The movie, “Mean Girls” did not do anything to dispel these notions but that is another story. It became very easy to get caught up in those supposed truths. Going to an all girls high school only made it seem worse, girls fighting over boys, girls telling each other’s secrets, girls bullying each other etc. Things could get very tense (almost hostile) -- you know, those glares you get/give, the standoffish conversations and the whispers behind someone’s back. I started to wonder if it was true, maybe women just couldn’t get along. I started to wonder if those girls who were proud to say they didn’t have many female friends, were onto something.

I am glad to say I now know for that those types of girls were not onto anything. Having close bonds with other women can be enriching and fulfilling. There is no substitute for some good girl friends. A friend recently told me that she views her relationships, with the women around her, as one big candle lighting ceremony. Using a candle to light another candle does not extinguish the first candle. If candlelight represents good things that you have to offer – kindness, honesty, support, a compliment - share it with other women and light up the world.